(non-)Monogamy

Irrette wrote in her blog about being single and referred to a bunch of posts she had written previously about not being monogamous. I was surprised that there were people in my circles who had so similar ideas to relationships as I do. I read through all those four old posts of Irre and for most parts they could have been written by me.

I found the idea of non-monogamy a couple of years back and it hit me like a thousand volts. I've never liked the idea of requiring things from others, especially in close relationships. Now at this point of writing, I have a feeling that many people read that as me not wanting to give others what they want. Nothing could be further from the truth. I feel less comfortable instisting on something from other people than doing something on behalf of others. Actually that is too mildly put. I don't do that in relationships. Period. And I want to make people around me happy.

Which takes us back to monogamy at the heart of which from my point of view is the requirement for the other party not to have certain kinds of fun with anybody else. It's an idea I just don't understand. If I have a good relationship with another person, it doesn't really matter what she does when I'm around (as long as she doesn't put me at risk of disease, or whatnot). Or to be more precise, the more fulfilling her life is in the other sphere's of life, the better. Some people also seem to think that not being monogamous means that you just want to go around having one night stands and don't want to have a relationship. In my case the truth is quite the opposite. Now what I want from a relationship is something large enough that it deserves its own post some time later. I could also go on and talk about stupidity of jealousy, and all other things, but I'll leave them for later.